In the Name of Love!

I was inspired to write this piece by a friend whom is having a singles mixer. I think she is doing a great thing. However, I would call it HOOK UP FOR VALENTINES DAY!

There are so many wonderful people out there looking for the Love of their life. Looking for people sans baggage! Look at this stage of the game you should just be happy if they have a messenger bag and not a trunk..

But I am a believer in believing! I believe that your Love is out there if you just have the patience and the faith to believe!!!!  So here it goes…

Oh my God! I am so happy! I can’t believe it. I never thought I could feel this way. I am so much in love  ~ ~ ~ ~      AGAIN?

How does this happen? I mean at times I suppose that people can misrepresent them selves. But at some point we have to take responsibility for being married to the fantasy. And stop loving the fiction but rather realizing the facts.

You find yourself going from one disaster relationship to another. And you even fool yourself into believing that you learned from the last one. So you create this façade of wisdom attached to your decision, just so your friends will support your madness.

Friends are great like that. Even if they think you are out of your mind they will say. O M G – I am soooo happy for you. Then they will call all your mutual friends and say – OK – are ya ready? She’s in love again!!

Yup and he has all the same qualities that all the rest did…

Now don’t get me wrong. It’s not wrong to want to be loved and share your dreams and passions and have a partner that you can build a life with.

But it can’t be with everyone you meet. And it can’t be with people that need fixing and it can’t be with dysfunctional addictive personalities.

As Sonny from a Bronx Tale said” You have three great one’s in your life”! Your first love, just so you have an expectation of things to come. Your second, because now you really know how to make love and have an understand of the meaning of dysfunction.

 And you’re third, because you have the wisdom from your past to know that this one will count!

Actually, I paraphrased! Sonny said something like that.

And how many people take the time to really get to know someone anymore? I believe it’s a lost art! And yet how many times do you hear, it was fine when we first met. But after a while I started seeing all these things?. Even when we see a red flag we can turn it into mauve.

 Perhaps if you took the time to really get to know someone you would not always wind up in a place where you are hurt or disappointed or worse -devastated.

We just jump right in and like 6 weeks later while you are having coffee with Mr. Goodbar- you look and say  ~ ~ what the hell am I doin with this mess???  O  M  G  …….

Is your motive a lust driven proposition? Which by the way is fine if that’s what you want.

Or is it that you just want that Magic & Passion so badly that you make everyone you meet be THE ONE~

 Let me correct one thing, it’s very difficult to be devastated. A person that is not a whole entity cannot devastate you.  We’d have the option to say, “no thanks”! But we let the externals or the physical manipulate the internals and then create our own non- reality.

And why would we do that! Well, perhaps we feel that we do not deserve to be happy! Nah, that’s not it. Or perhaps we feel that we can always fix them and make it better? Ahhhhhhhhh….

Look - It’s like shopping at a designer outlet and going to the rack that has slight imperfections. You think, Hummmm – If I did this or accessorize with that, this could work…..

You’ll miss the bigger picture. When someone shows you their true colors the first time, believe them.

 Slight imperfections are exactly that! At some point someone will say, “OH-you have a tear in your sweater!”

And you always say, “Really? Gosh – how’d that happen?”   

I understand that Tommy and his shine box might be HOT! But do you want to be married to Da Mob?

I understand that the Holidays any Holiday also can make you have bad judgment as well ~ ya know - The Tree, the lights, the tinsel, the BALLS  - Yikes…. Before ya know it your bringing home the guy that sold ya the tree.  Um – Ma, this is – what’s your name?

Is this just a GURL thang?

Or do Guys go through this? Hummm – I wonder?

I can hear it now..

Yo Tony – I am so confused, this chick is makin me nutz, I feel so exposed and I am not sure if she really is committed to me? Why am I so vulnerable?

Yo Bobby – look this all goes back to when you was a kid!

Memba your Ma used to take the Cannoli away from you before you could finish it? She played all dese mind games wit chew and now you don’t trust any woman. Minga. I really think she loves ya!

Maybe is it just the Women! Maybe we’ve been disillusioned; maybe we have been fed a host of propaganda. Maybe we bought into the commercialism of love.

We are the ones who believe in all those love stories. “Splendor in the Grass”, “An Affair to Remember”, “The Way We Were”…And for the longest time I am sure some of us believed Lesley Ann Warren really was Cinderella….

Ya gotta believe that your GREAT ONE is out there. But I mean really believe it.

Now look if Jimmy” 2 times” does show up at your door with some wine and cannoli’s don’t close the door in his face.

 I mean ya don’t have to marry him – just leave the gun and take the CANNOLI!

 But don’t make a habit out if it!!!

Or maybe it’s premature imagination!!!

I got cha arrow right here ~~~

The other night I was browsing the home page. This woman wrote how crazy in love she was with her Husband and that they had been married for many years and they still have it going on.

Then some woman commented and said. “Oh really, then he must be having an affair if he is all into you!” Or maybe you are just delusional because it’s BS!!

MINGHIA- WOW~ ~~ !!!!!

The woman that wrote the original post simply replied back and said, “ Sorry you have been hurt!”..

Now that was amazing because if it were me I would have been all over that, so typical Italian!! All in da sauce.

Valentine’s Day applies such unnecessary pressure! It starts at the office when that little 90210 type blonde assistant gets so many flowers delivered. The office is abundant with deliverymen rather then staff.

Then to add insult to injury she yells out and says” If none of ya got flowers I can give ya some of mine”!  Guurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

She has a date for lunch, dinner and then a late night drink. Minchia.

Then there goes your fictional mind, “what’s wrong with me?” Why don’t I have a date? How come I got no flowers? Valentines’ Day is a commercialized, moneymaking pyramid scheme if ya ask me!

There are some peeps out there that have, shall we say – “FOUND IT”.

The magic and passion. The trust and mutual respect.

The continued longing after years of being together.

Learning the dance of compromise. Supporting your partners needs and dreams.

Trust me, it can happen! This I know for a fact.

I am not trying to get all Zen and cerebral on you here but I am a believer.

With Valentines Day lurking in the wings many things come to mind.

First off, Loves got nothing to do with Valentines Day!

Anyone can get all in the Kool-aid for ONE day – Love is maintaining that stature all the time ~

Some Folks are tainted about Love, some folks are in Love with Love and some Folks settle for Love, thinking that they are past the age limit for ever finding it.

Folks even misplace Sex for Love! Then six months later you wake up, look at that person next to you and say, “what was I thinking!”. Ahhh, the mistake of Lusty love…

And the next time you see a RED FLAD – believe it! Don’t keep changing the color and pretend its friggin mauve. When someone shows you’re his or her True Colors the first time, believe it.

I have heard so many horror stories from both my Male & Female friends. This one chick had 2 cell phones, one for Da Honey and one for da rest!

One friend said she met this guy for coffee at the mall and he bought his daughter? The kid walked around the bookstore kept herself busy and the date was ova, she thought – awwwww he had his kid that night but really wanted to meet me! Until she found out he was married and could not leave the house unless da kid was with him!! You friggin MOOK..

However, not every Mista you meet is Mista Right! He or she may simply be Mista or Ms. for the Moment..

They may be the person that comes into your world to teach you some lessons. Yes I know – how many lessons do we need.

That depends on you! If you find yourself doing the same things every day, excepting different results, well slap yourself now…

So when u meet someone new and you think there is potential there. Plan the moments rather than the future. It’s not based on manipulation or control but rather a need. Controlling the situation is not about being a control freak. It’s basically about controlling insecurities. Some people use strategies of control to compensate for not trusting. Or (what if) yourself into a corner for no good reason at all.

Don’t let all those old behaviors take control. Therefore, do not allow yourself to assume without the facts. Because assumptions manipulate fears and fears drive insecurities and before you know it, You’re in the Land of fear, dread and anxiety. With a season pass to the resort of Disappointment! And none of it has even happened. You are what if’ing. And then believing it!

If you were hurt, find your way home from there and don’t let what could be a good thing pass you by because you are afraid to let them in or sabotage it.

So if you are in Love – God Bless ya for taking a chance!~~

If you are Single – hang in because your Love will arrive shortly when you are ready to let it happen. Trust me~!

If you are Asexual – I hope u have a pet !!!!

So get da bow and arrow and aim for da heart!!  WHOOPS’ , that’s a scene from Goodfella’s.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY

Love is in Da Air

The other night I was browsing the home page. This woman wrote how crazy in love she was with her Husband and that they had been married for many years and they still have it going on.

Then some woman commented and said. “Oh really, then he must be having an affair if he is all into you!” Or maybe you are just delusional because it’s BS!!

MINGHIA- WOW~ ~~ !!!!!

The woman that wrote the original post simply replied back and said, “ Sorry you have been hurt!”..

Now that was amazing because if it were me I would have been all over that, so typical Italian!! All in da sauce.

Valentine’s Day applies such unnecessary pressure! It starts at the office when that little 90210 type blonde assistant gets so many flowers delivered. The office is abundant with deliverymen rather then staff.

Then to add insult to injury she yells out and says” If none of ya got flowers I can give ya some of mine”!   Guurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

She has a date for lunch, dinner and then a late night drink. Minchia.

Then there goes your fictional mind, “what’s wrong with me?” Why don’t I have a date? How come I got no flowers? Valentines’ Day is a commercialized, moneymaking pyramid scheme if ya ask me!

There are some peeps out there that have, shall we say – “FOUND IT”.

The magic and passion. The trust and mutual respect.

The continued longing after years of being together.

Learning the dance of compromise. Supporting your partners needs and dreams.

Trust me, it can happen! This I know for a fact.

I am not trying to get all Zen and cerebral on you here but I am a believer.

With Valentines Day lurking in the wings many things come to mind.

First off, Loves got nothing to do with Valentines Day!

Anyone can get all in the Kool-aid for ONE day – Love is maintaining that stature all the time ~

Some Folks are tainted about Love, some folks are in Love with Love and some Folks settle for Love, thinking that they are past the age limit for ever finding it.

Folks even misplace Sex for Love! Then six months later you wake up, look at that person next to you and say, “what was I thinking!”. Ahhh, the mistake of Lusty love…

And the next time you see a RED FLAD – believe it! Don’t keep changing the color and pretend its friggin mauve. When someone shows you’re his or her True Colors the first time, believe it.

I have heard so many horror stories from both my Male & Female friends. This one chick had 2 cell phones, one for Da Honey and one for da rest!

One friend said she met this guy for coffee at the mall and he bought his daughter? The kid walked around the bookstore kept herself busy and the date was ova, she thought – awwwww he had his kid that night but really wanted to meet me! Until she found out he was married and could not leave the house unless da kid was with him!! You friggin MOOK..

However, not every Mista you meet is Mista Right! He or she may simply be Mista or Ms. for the Moment..

They may be the person that comes into your world to teach you some lessons. Yes I know – how many lessons do we need.

That depends on you! If you find yourself doing the same things every day, excepting different results, well slap yourself now…

So when u meet someone new and you think there is potential there. Plan the moments rather than the future. It’s not based on manipulation or control but rather a need. Controlling the situation is not about being a control freak. It’s basically about controlling insecurities. Some people use strategies of control to compensate for not trusting. Or (what if) yourself into a corner for no good reason at all.

Don’t let all those old behaviors take control. Therefore, do not allow yourself to assume without the facts. Because assumptions manipulate fears and fears drive insecurities and before you know it, You’re in the Land of fear, dread and anxiety. With a season pass to the resort of Disappointment! And none of it has even happened. You are what if’ing. And then believing it!

If you were hurt, find your way home from there and don’t let what could be a good thing pass you by because you are afraid to let them in or sabotage it.

So if you are in Love – God Bless ya for taking a chance!~~

If you are Single – hang in because your Love will arrive shortly when you are ready to let it happen. Trust me~!

If you are Asexual – I hope u have a pet !!!!

So get da bow and arrow and aim for da heart!!  WHOOPS’ , that’s a scene from Goodfella’s.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY

WHITE RABBIT

Remember this song?

A friend of mine let me hear this when we thought we were hippies...

One pill makes you larger

And one pill makes you small

And the ones that mother gives you

Don't do anything at all

Go ask Alice, when she's ten feet tall

To be honest with you I was never into drugs.

If you have seen my act you will know why J

I did not need anything to take me away from it all. I suppose I was able to do that all on my own through my music and comedy.

The last thing I wanted was to be out of control ... I wanted to be in control of my creativity.

Addiction comes in all forms – drugs, booze, and bad behavior.

Some folks think they have conquered one addiction only to replace it with another. There is also a new game in town called self-medication.  Wow, that’s a magic carpet ride with a prescription plan.

Even meds the Doctor gives you can take you there in a Nano second if you have that abusive tendency.

Sadly people will get all preachy about kicking the habit de jour and then start hitting da pills to get a high any way they can.

Why?

I suppose they have not truly dealt with the issues that got them there in the first place.

You can go to all the shrinks, life coaches and Gurus in the world and still you bull shit them all only to continue to feed the need.

The sad part is that the people who care about you are left not only holding the bag but also dealing with your incoherent bullshit. They will deny that they asked Alice and turned into the White Rabbit.

Yet you still forgive them and think you are helping in a strange way.

News flash--------- you are not.

You want to help them? Then disengage! Call their Doctor! Rat them out.

If not consider yourself addicted to bullshit.

You get to listen to their drama, there “ nobody likes me” – their paranoia the destroyer. You really think you are helping them?

NO!

I had a conversation with a friend of mine today that shared some issues about her brother. It was this roller coaster ride of bullshit and she never bought a ticket to the ride but was in it because she was the only one who would listen.

She told me that she was done supporting his habit and allowing him to use her as the soundboard.

It’s hard ting to do – but she did it.

I found myself in the same situation and did the very same thing.

It’s called boundaries~~~~~~~

The deal with boundaries is that one you make them you cant break them. Once they see they can manipulate you back into the land of the misfit toys it will start all over again.

So say what you mean – and mean what you say....

Remember that other saying, “ Love means never having to say you are sorry!”

Well that sure proved to be bullshit J

Just because you love someone does not mean you have to kiss his or her ASS...

Love is about TRUTH..

So stand you ground and stop being Alice.....