THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS GAS!

So, Holidays are over!

Bur fear not, in like 340 days we will be back in da swing…

It’s sad in a way because I do love this time of year. It just seems that everyone is warm, loving, giving and heartfelt. So now, back to reality!! Unless of course you are in a relationship, which means you have to be on good behavior until Valentines Day…

So I am sitting here looking at my tree all wrapped up in its, Condom – I mean tree bag getting ready to be tossed in the field of dreams, GARBAGE.

All the ornaments and special effects have been placed in their boxes until next year. Except for one… Did ya ever notice that there is always one thing that is left out? You usually notice it the next morning in the light of day…No effort is made to remove the boxes and place it where it belongs, you just toss it on top and hope you don’t see it…

But all and all this was a great Holiday…

Christmas eve at Mom’s went off without a hitch. No drama and no fights. Until I tasted the stuffed mushrooms and I knew Mom did not make um but my Brother did.. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww.. He thinks he’s Emeril..

The bad thing about this time of year is the inevitable OVER EATING…. Mother of GOD!!!

Today is my first day of fast until like March….

For me once I get started there is no stopping. It’s like a junkie with a sugar fix..

Then all the rich foods that your stomach is not used to and then you find your tummy doing the tarantella.

Which brings me to one of my sister’s. Since we were kids she always had this knack of getting out of doing the dishes! Why? Well her excuse was she was always constipated? It was then like a Christmas miracle that after the meal, when we were all ready to clean up, she would bellow – OMG, I have to go!

Ahhh, The Holy Bowel Movement…

As soon as the kitchen was clean she would appear and say, Nah – false alarm..

Yea right! I got so hip to her shit… Pun intended….

But this year she had incentive!

Her new boyfriend….

I never saw her move so fast?

We were still all lingering at the table and it took quite a while until we realized she was missing? And then we heard the water running and the pots & pans jumpin like hot sauce on calamari.

We all looked in amazement but said not a word!  We didn’t want to break her concentration!!

Until my niece walked into the kitchen and said - O   M   G !!!

What we all shouted?

Don’t go in there!

Why?

Trust me, just don’t!

Now you never tell an Italian, “don’t look in this closet!” So we all marched in and collectively yelled.. O  M  G  !!!!

There she was all busy and moving, because why? Let’s not for get the incentive? THE CHRISTMAS BANG, that awaited her.

So there was my busy sister, still constipated but wading in FLATULENCE!!! YES YOU HEARD ME!!   I think she even managed to formulate the notes Silent Night threw her Ass.

Then the Sound of Music and no, we are not the Van Trapp Family, just musically talented in many ways.

Ahhh Da Family !!!!

So I have two Sister’s and to protect her new relationship I will not divulge which sister is was, however you can guess if ya want.

So, if ya want someone to move – get them to over eat foods rich in fat, oil and sugar and you too will hear the Ghost of Christmas Gas!!