Ahhhh , our YOUT !!! Memba all those
crazy things ya did? The kinda crap that if someone called ya today and said
hey, lets? - You’d say – What!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
Either you would be to tired?
Worried about da cash?
Too stressed?
Or worse – you lost your cannoli’s….
It was like 10 years ago! You can play
that weird – odd creepy remembering music now!!!
I called a friend of mine and we were
meeting in the City to go on Da Prowl.. My friend has this magical name –
Glinda as in da Good Witch!! So hittin the clubs with her was always a friggin
joy as everyone that met her said – ohhh – like the Good Witch..Duh -- However,
she was more like the Good Bitch.!!! And I mean that in a good way!!!
So we had our usual phone chat about where
to meet and what to wear. We were both filled with that hope & wanderlust
of what the evening could have in store.
That is, until we got there??????????????
Oh Mother of God!!!!
It looked like the bar scene from Star
Wars!! All these mutant peeps..
Bad cologne – bad hair- bad teeth and
that’s the worse!!!! ewwwwwwww…
Our hopes had faded! OK, then we went to
the next joint !!!!
NOoooooooooo!!! Worse!!!!!! This was the
land of the misfit toys!!!! All I kept sayin was, don’t pay attention to the
little man behind the curtain…. We did not even give eye contact!!! … When
you’re in places like that you have to treat them like crazy peeps on the
street – NO EYE CONTACT!! Pretend your Burt in SOAP – snap you fingers and
disappear..!!!!
The only thing we were doing that was
successful was getting DRUNK!!!! Big timeeeeeeeeeeee…
So after many a drink had to fall we
decided to leave. Defeated – Wounded.
We ended up at our favorite diner type
joint and did what every body does.. EAT…
After we felt like the drinks had withered
we decided to hit the road…
I went to the register and asked for
coffee to go, while I was waiting I noticed they had Gummy Bears!!! HUMMMMMMMM.
SO BEING A HUGE IMPLUSE BUYER – I get me the coffee and a bag of Gummy Bears.
It was a beautiful evening, I had all the
windows down and the moon roof opened, along with the radio blastin…I was zoomin
down the West Side Highway like Mario Andretti.
The HOT coffee is in the cup holder and
the bottle of water is on the floor of the passenger seat.
So there I am driving like I stole it –
popin Gummy Bears and then I got Ballsie – I took handfuls of Gummy Bears and
was shoving them in my mouth..
All of a sudden I realize the bears are
stuck in my throat??????
OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG…
I start to cough.. Nothin….
Then I am chocking and making that
terrible sound that goes along with it….
I look at the coffee – Its toooo
HOTTTTTTTTTTT…
The water is on the floor and I am flyin
down the west side highway- tryin to lean down, while choking trying to get it…
Sweat is drippin from my head – My life is
flashin before my eyes…
I can read the headlines now.. Woman dies
on the West side with Gummy Bears lodged in her throat!! OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG
The all of a sudden I give it this huge
bellowing cough and out fly the BEARS…
They landed on my windshield – splattered
in the format of spread eagle…
And finally a sigh of relief!!!!
If I thought the Peeps in the Club looked
bad, the sight of DA Bears on my windshield was worse.
My friend vowed never to drink again! And
I vowed never to eat Gummy Bears while drivin!!!
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