Lions & Tigers & Bears ohhh Minga

Ahhhh , our YOUT !!! Memba all those crazy things ya did? The kinda crap that if someone called ya today and said hey, lets? - You’d say – What!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

Either you would be to tired?

Worried about da cash?

Too stressed?

Or worse – you lost your cannoli’s….

It was like 10 years ago! You can play that weird – odd creepy remembering music now!!!

I called a friend of mine and we were meeting in the City to go on Da Prowl.. My friend has this magical name – Glinda as in da Good Witch!! So hittin the clubs with her was always a friggin joy as everyone that met her said – ohhh – like the Good Witch..Duh -- However, she was more like the Good Bitch.!!! And I mean that in a good way!!!

So we had our usual phone chat about where to meet and what to wear. We were both filled with that hope & wanderlust of what the evening could have in store.

That is, until we got there?????????????? Oh Mother of God!!!!

It looked like the bar scene from Star Wars!! All these mutant peeps..

Bad cologne – bad hair- bad teeth and that’s the worse!!!! ewwwwwwww…

Our hopes had faded! OK, then we went to the next joint !!!!

NOoooooooooo!!! Worse!!!!!! This was the land of the misfit toys!!!! All I kept sayin was, don’t pay attention to the little man behind the curtain…. We did not even give eye contact!!! … When you’re in places like that you have to treat them like crazy peeps on the street – NO EYE CONTACT!! Pretend your Burt in SOAP – snap you fingers and disappear..!!!!

The only thing we were doing that was successful was getting DRUNK!!!! Big timeeeeeeeeeeee…

So after many a drink had to fall we decided to leave. Defeated – Wounded.

We ended up at our favorite diner type joint and did what every body does.. EAT…

After we felt like the drinks had withered we decided to hit the road…

I went to the register and asked for coffee to go, while I was waiting I noticed they had Gummy Bears!!! HUMMMMMMMM. SO BEING A HUGE IMPLUSE BUYER – I get me the coffee and a bag of Gummy Bears.

It was a beautiful evening, I had all the windows down and the moon roof opened, along with the radio blastin…I was zoomin down the West Side Highway like Mario Andretti.

The HOT coffee is in the cup holder and the bottle of water is on the floor of the passenger seat.

So there I am driving like I stole it – popin Gummy Bears and then I got Ballsie – I took handfuls of Gummy Bears and was shoving them in my mouth..

All of a sudden I realize the bears are stuck in my throat??????

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG…

I start to cough.. Nothin….

Then I am chocking and making that terrible sound that goes along with it….

I look at the coffee – Its toooo HOTTTTTTTTTTT…

The water is on the floor and I am flyin down the west side highway- tryin to lean down, while choking trying to get it…

Sweat is drippin from my head – My life is flashin before my eyes…

I can read the headlines now.. Woman dies on the West side with Gummy Bears lodged in her throat!! OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG

The all of a sudden I give it this huge bellowing cough and out fly the BEARS…

They landed on my windshield – splattered in the format of spread eagle…

And finally a sigh of relief!!!!

If I thought the Peeps in the Club looked bad, the sight of DA Bears on my windshield was worse.

My friend vowed never to drink again! And I vowed never to eat Gummy Bears while drivin!!!

LENT WITH THE OPTION TO BUY

Its that time of the year again when we are faced with one of the most tempting decisions.

TO PEEP OR NOT TO PEEP !! 

Ya know, those marshmallow things shaped into the form of a chick, with sugar all over it!

Its Easter time !!!  Quick find your bonnet ~ get ready for Da Easter parade.. Get your HOLY Chocolate now!  CHOCOLATE EGGS, BUNNIES, CROSSES – OMG !!!!

AND LETS NOT FORGET ALL OF THEOSE EASTER MOVIES –

The Robe – the Ten Commandments – King of Kings and Easter Parade!!!

This is the Christian celebration of the Resurrection of Christ .. Where did the friggin chocolate and Peter cotton tail come in?

And Lent !!!

Give up something you love for the 40-day period, symbolizing the Lenten season's return to simplicity and purity. It doesn't matter what you give up - cigarettes, chocolate, surfing the Internet - as long as the meaning of its absence holds significant value to you.

I was raised Roman Catholic but pulled away from many of the traditions of the religion. For me the Church is one of the biggest Corporations around. I believe that the word of God has been manipulated through the times to support  MAN MADE rules.

We even have our own city !!!! VATICAN CITY !!  Did u eva!

Why do you think spirituality has become so popular?

Everyone you meet today calls them selves spiritual!

I mean even if you go on dating websites under religion one of the categories is spirituality.

Since when did spiritual become a religion? I thought spiritual was something you were when no other religion would have you!!!

And has the Universe replaced God?

I have a friend that says to me, Mare – don’t get pissed, give it up to the universe?

Give it love and defuse it! Karma will take care of it!!

Ahhhh here comes the Dalai Lama tail, hoppin down the wellness trail!!          WHAT !!!!

It’s hard to be spiritual when you are Italian !

I can see it now. 

Ding dong – who’s there?

KARMA!

Karma who?

Look open da friggin door before I smack ya!!!!

But here we are Lost in DA Bunnies. Lookin for Lent in all the wrong places.

Maybe it’s not even something tangible that you should give up?

Maybe you should give up bad behavior?

Or stop being a Nasty Ass!

Or maybe, just maybe try to be more tolerant!

 But inevitably you will find yourself in CVS or the grocery store on line starring at PEEPS and thinking – Hummmmmmmmm.

Maybe I’ll only buy one package?

Ok so the power of the PEEPS has taken you over – you BUY the friggin PEEPS!

Only to get them home and poke a few holes in the package and have to wait till the next day to eat them so they are nice and stale.

Now that’s LENT !!!!  WAITING FOR THE PEEPS TO GET HARD?

Which resembles sex – hummmmmmmm….

So all you Peeps out there that are so perplexed as to what to give up or if you’re feeling like you are not being a good Catholic just sit back and ponder a bit.

If you need/want to follow the traditions of the religion then fine!!!

If you struggle with some of those MAN MADE interpretations, then just do the right things, love your neighbor ( as long as they are not married ) follow right action and if you really want to – just buy the damn PEEPS!

Happy Freakin Valentines Day ~

In the Name of Love!

I was inspired to write this piece by a friend whom is having a singles mixer. I think she is doing a great thing. However, I would call it HOOK UP FOR VALENTINES DAY!

There are so many wonderful people out there looking for the Love of their life. Looking for people sans baggage! Look at this stage of the game you should just be happy if they have a messenger bag and not a trunk..

But I am a believer in believing! I believe that your Love is out there if you just have the patience and the faith to believe!!!!  So here it goes…

Oh my God! I am so happy! I can’t believe it. I never thought I could feel this way. I am so much in love  ~ ~ ~ ~      AGAIN?

How does this happen? I mean at times I suppose that people can misrepresent them selves. But at some point we have to take responsibility for being married to the fantasy. And stop loving the fiction but rather realizing the facts.

You find yourself going from one disaster relationship to another. And you even fool yourself into believing that you learned from the last one. So you create this façade of wisdom attached to your decision, just so your friends will support your madness.

Friends are great like that. Even if they think you are out of your mind they will say. O M G – I am soooo happy for you. Then they will call all your mutual friends and say – OK – are ya ready? She’s in love again!!

Yup and he has all the same qualities that all the rest did…

Now don’t get me wrong. It’s not wrong to want to be loved and share your dreams and passions and have a partner that you can build a life with.

But it can’t be with everyone you meet. And it can’t be with people that need fixing and it can’t be with dysfunctional addictive personalities.

As Sonny from a Bronx Tale said” You have three great one’s in your life”! Your first love, just so you have an expectation of things to come. Your second, because now you really know how to make love and have an understand of the meaning of dysfunction.

 And you’re third, because you have the wisdom from your past to know that this one will count!

Actually, I paraphrased! Sonny said something like that.

And how many people take the time to really get to know someone anymore? I believe it’s a lost art! And yet how many times do you hear, it was fine when we first met. But after a while I started seeing all these things?. Even when we see a red flag we can turn it into mauve.

 Perhaps if you took the time to really get to know someone you would not always wind up in a place where you are hurt or disappointed or worse -devastated.

We just jump right in and like 6 weeks later while you are having coffee with Mr. Goodbar- you look and say  ~ ~ what the hell am I doin with this mess???  O  M  G  …….

Is your motive a lust driven proposition? Which by the way is fine if that’s what you want.

Or is it that you just want that Magic & Passion so badly that you make everyone you meet be THE ONE~

 Let me correct one thing, it’s very difficult to be devastated. A person that is not a whole entity cannot devastate you.  We’d have the option to say, “no thanks”! But we let the externals or the physical manipulate the internals and then create our own non- reality.

And why would we do that! Well, perhaps we feel that we do not deserve to be happy! Nah, that’s not it. Or perhaps we feel that we can always fix them and make it better? Ahhhhhhhhh….

Look - It’s like shopping at a designer outlet and going to the rack that has slight imperfections. You think, Hummmm – If I did this or accessorize with that, this could work…..

You’ll miss the bigger picture. When someone shows you their true colors the first time, believe them.

 Slight imperfections are exactly that! At some point someone will say, “OH-you have a tear in your sweater!”

And you always say, “Really? Gosh – how’d that happen?”   

I understand that Tommy and his shine box might be HOT! But do you want to be married to Da Mob?

I understand that the Holidays any Holiday also can make you have bad judgment as well ~ ya know - The Tree, the lights, the tinsel, the BALLS  - Yikes…. Before ya know it your bringing home the guy that sold ya the tree.  Um – Ma, this is – what’s your name?

Is this just a GURL thang?

Or do Guys go through this? Hummm – I wonder?

I can hear it now..

Yo Tony – I am so confused, this chick is makin me nutz, I feel so exposed and I am not sure if she really is committed to me? Why am I so vulnerable?

Yo Bobby – look this all goes back to when you was a kid!

Memba your Ma used to take the Cannoli away from you before you could finish it? She played all dese mind games wit chew and now you don’t trust any woman. Minga. I really think she loves ya!

Maybe is it just the Women! Maybe we’ve been disillusioned; maybe we have been fed a host of propaganda. Maybe we bought into the commercialism of love.

We are the ones who believe in all those love stories. “Splendor in the Grass”, “An Affair to Remember”, “The Way We Were”…And for the longest time I am sure some of us believed Lesley Ann Warren really was Cinderella….

Ya gotta believe that your GREAT ONE is out there. But I mean really believe it.

Now look if Jimmy” 2 times” does show up at your door with some wine and cannoli’s don’t close the door in his face.

 I mean ya don’t have to marry him – just leave the gun and take the CANNOLI!

 But don’t make a habit out if it!!!

Or maybe it’s premature imagination!!!

I got cha arrow right here ~~~

The other night I was browsing the home page. This woman wrote how crazy in love she was with her Husband and that they had been married for many years and they still have it going on.

Then some woman commented and said. “Oh really, then he must be having an affair if he is all into you!” Or maybe you are just delusional because it’s BS!!

MINGHIA- WOW~ ~~ !!!!!

The woman that wrote the original post simply replied back and said, “ Sorry you have been hurt!”..

Now that was amazing because if it were me I would have been all over that, so typical Italian!! All in da sauce.

Valentine’s Day applies such unnecessary pressure! It starts at the office when that little 90210 type blonde assistant gets so many flowers delivered. The office is abundant with deliverymen rather then staff.

Then to add insult to injury she yells out and says” If none of ya got flowers I can give ya some of mine”!  Guurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

She has a date for lunch, dinner and then a late night drink. Minchia.

Then there goes your fictional mind, “what’s wrong with me?” Why don’t I have a date? How come I got no flowers? Valentines’ Day is a commercialized, moneymaking pyramid scheme if ya ask me!

There are some peeps out there that have, shall we say – “FOUND IT”.

The magic and passion. The trust and mutual respect.

The continued longing after years of being together.

Learning the dance of compromise. Supporting your partners needs and dreams.

Trust me, it can happen! This I know for a fact.

I am not trying to get all Zen and cerebral on you here but I am a believer.

With Valentines Day lurking in the wings many things come to mind.

First off, Loves got nothing to do with Valentines Day!

Anyone can get all in the Kool-aid for ONE day – Love is maintaining that stature all the time ~

Some Folks are tainted about Love, some folks are in Love with Love and some Folks settle for Love, thinking that they are past the age limit for ever finding it.

Folks even misplace Sex for Love! Then six months later you wake up, look at that person next to you and say, “what was I thinking!”. Ahhh, the mistake of Lusty love…

And the next time you see a RED FLAD – believe it! Don’t keep changing the color and pretend its friggin mauve. When someone shows you’re his or her True Colors the first time, believe it.

I have heard so many horror stories from both my Male & Female friends. This one chick had 2 cell phones, one for Da Honey and one for da rest!

One friend said she met this guy for coffee at the mall and he bought his daughter? The kid walked around the bookstore kept herself busy and the date was ova, she thought – awwwww he had his kid that night but really wanted to meet me! Until she found out he was married and could not leave the house unless da kid was with him!! You friggin MOOK..

However, not every Mista you meet is Mista Right! He or she may simply be Mista or Ms. for the Moment..

They may be the person that comes into your world to teach you some lessons. Yes I know – how many lessons do we need.

That depends on you! If you find yourself doing the same things every day, excepting different results, well slap yourself now…

So when u meet someone new and you think there is potential there. Plan the moments rather than the future. It’s not based on manipulation or control but rather a need. Controlling the situation is not about being a control freak. It’s basically about controlling insecurities. Some people use strategies of control to compensate for not trusting. Or (what if) yourself into a corner for no good reason at all.

Don’t let all those old behaviors take control. Therefore, do not allow yourself to assume without the facts. Because assumptions manipulate fears and fears drive insecurities and before you know it, You’re in the Land of fear, dread and anxiety. With a season pass to the resort of Disappointment! And none of it has even happened. You are what if’ing. And then believing it!

If you were hurt, find your way home from there and don’t let what could be a good thing pass you by because you are afraid to let them in or sabotage it.

So if you are in Love – God Bless ya for taking a chance!~~

If you are Single – hang in because your Love will arrive shortly when you are ready to let it happen. Trust me~!

If you are Asexual – I hope u have a pet !!!!

So get da bow and arrow and aim for da heart!!  WHOOPS’ , that’s a scene from Goodfella’s.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY